I am me

I have been told many times by people "I like that even though you're a pastor's wife you're still yourself" I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not. But it definitely made me think.

*Who am I

*What impact am I having on others (whether on purpose or not)

*Why am I the way I am.

*What do people expect from me

I have always just lived my life & try to do the best I can. I have struggled w/ self doubts in myself, my looks, & so on. I know I am human & I'm not perfect & I never will be, but I never cared what others thought of me until the day my husband said he wanted to be a youth Pastor. I started thinking

*how will I be a role model

*will these kids (teens & preteens) really look to me for guidance.

My worries slowly went away. I know that had to be God. Some how he gave me sensitivity when need, scripture when asked, honesty for the hard headed (remember I'm talking about teens :))

Then my husband decided we should start a church, which I fully supported. He also thought he should be the head pastor, & took many steps to make sure that he was fit & qualified, so once again I supported him. What I didn't realize was that would make me the Pastor's wife. Some of you may think (like I did @ 1st) 'no big deal' 'doesn't really change anything for me' or 'what is the Pastor's wife duty'

*I support him

*I love him

*I'm pretty submissive

WHAT ELSE IS THERE????

*oh yeah the women in the church

*my role, expectations, etc

and my worldly doubts kicked in too

*am I smart, wise, pretty (yes pretty, you have to be good looking if your husband will randomly point you out during service or have you meet people ;)), strong, or supportive enough.

I never really thought about how much I put on my Pastor's wives (knowledgeable, wise, an example, etc) & what I thought they should be like (Godly women & wives) or the things I respect about them (because they were all these things), or even why we view leadership this way, until I realized other's will prob do the same toward me now.......which brings me back to the statement 'I like that even though you're a pastor's wife you're still yourself'. So does that mean women view me w/ all the things I listed above & it's a bonus that I still seem like myself or I'm not all the things listed above & I'm liked because I am myself? Not saying that other pastor's wives aren't themselves, but I can understand how easy it is to view women in the church as more 'Godly' than what you view yourself to be.

So I admit I struggled w/ those 1st set of questions lately. I have realized I should be more involved w/ the women @ my church, grow closer to them. No I'm not older then some of them but I still need to be an example(Titus 2). Even though I'm not the wisest women & still search my husband's brain for answers I can be a good pastor's wife. I need to dig deeper in my Bible more often. But really all I can be is who God has made me

*a women seeking His heart. Longing for the day when I can see his face.

I am me. I can't change that & I won't. God has changed many things in my heart over the yrs. I am still the insecure female I always have been but I know I have someone stronger to lean upon & finds good in me, othrewise He wouldn't have put me where I am today. I can't worry about what others expect of me I can only be who God has called me to be & hope that others can except that.

So yes, I am

*loud

*honest (w/ others, about me, & my past)

*some times unfiltered

*open

*awkward when given a compliment

*able to laugh @ almost anything

*a mother, daughter, sister, (Pastor's) wife, friend, & me

*caring

*passionate

*messy

*sarcastic

*a cry(er)

*a women who finds her roles important (as a wife & mother)

*laid back

*a believer

and soooooo on.

Thank you Lord for making me me.

Our new bundle is.....

a BOY!!!! yeah.
Ezekiel (Zeke) Anthony Wirth
8lbs 20 inches
Born 5/10/11 @ 5:57am

Our baby boy is a week old today. I know I lagged on doing a blog for him, but parenting 3 children is something I really could have had anxiety about. Thankfully it's not as hard as I thought, so far. I really didn't know how the girls were going to react to a new baby either. They said they wanted to be big helpers, before the baby arrived, but wasn't sure if they would stick w/ that once he was here. So I've really just wanted them to get use to him, & focusing on them understanding why mommy is destracted more now, w/ out them feeling like I was wanting to spend less time w/ them. They actually have done really well. They want to hold & touch him all day everyday. It's really cute but overwhelming. It's hard telling them no some times definitely when it's the end of the day & they look @ you so cute & say, "I haven't held him all day" :( but we have (kinda) made a rule that they can hold him when he's awake (only) if he's not cranky. I know you're thinking 'he's newborn all they do is sleep' & he does sleep A LOT, but he had short moments of being awake. And the last 2 days he's seems to be awake for longer periods of time. So they each get a turn to love on their lil' bro.
I must say he is a sweet lil' boy. He cries during diaper change & when he's really hungry. Other than that he just whimpers in his sleep or when he 1st wakes up (& looking for food). He already sleeps good chunks of times, & I'm praying that never changes :)
I will say labor seemed more painful this time than w/ the girls but thankfully I was only in active labor for 3 or so hrs & only pushed for 7 min. I did have to get induced w/ potocin, even though my water broke. But definitely liked the style of a midwife better than my obgyns in the past. No legs hiked up & being told to push, just a mellow "do whatever your body is telling you to do"by the midwife, and my sweet hubby saying, "breathe" anyway w/ all that here's our sweet boy. Some say he looks like Charlie & some say 1/2 Charlie 1/2 Alexa. I say the things that look like Charlie & the things that look like Alexa are the features they get from their Daddy, which makes me think he looks just like Daddy. What's your thoughts.

3 days old

4 days old

5 days old. First trip to church.